QE Ep. 2.35 - Michael Z.

QE does CSI NY, the Fab 5 way! And there’s baseball involved!

Episode No.: 2.35
Straight Guy: Michael Zurich
Title: Refining New York’s Finest
First Aired in SA: 31 May 2006

I love anything involving baseball, or in this case, softball. Mike is a cop, who plays baseball for the Police Athletic League, who help kids get off the street and out of trouble by playing sport.

Also, the boys come to the house equipped with their own forensic kit. Orange with the Queer Eye symbol on it. They get straight to checking the bed for stains and taking swabs!

Jai and Mike have a lot in common. One thing is that they both come from single parent homes.

Carson was causing a whole lot of trouble this episode. Trying to get into a wedding dress and ripping it! He did fix it and clean it and return it! Then he starts cleaning the bathroom by just spraying it down with the showerhead!

Carson gave a nice tip: that texture is the colour.

I liked that they played the song “I fought the law but the law won”.

The boys all ripped off the girlfriend saying “ohmigod”. They did a good job sounding like girls.

The game was tied and then Mike hit the winning home run. That was cool.


From the Bravo site:

PROBLEM AREAS...his apartment is tragic, from the terrible foam drop ceilings to the pink-painted walls....the only meal he's ever cooked for Melly is spaghetti and jar sauce....after long hours walking the beat, his foot aroma is deadly....he wears his shoes until the soles literally fall off....is the king of procrastination....like many New Yorkers, his wardrobe runs the gamut from light gray to black....is developing a bit of a belly from poor eating habits....his hand-me-down furniture is really throw-me-out quality....the only way he can manage his big, shapeless hair is with tons of gel.



Quotes:

Carson: “OK kids, I think we got our call. 911.”

Thom (about Mike’s pot pouri): “I thought you were straight.”
When the boys throw away the pot pouri, Mike takes out another bag.
Thom: “He’s got a backup!”

Thom (breaking down the ceiling): “Your landlord is covering a multitude of sins up there.”

Kyan (squeezing Mike’s stomach fat roll): “That’s a jelly donut right there.”

Carson (looking at numbers on a shirt): “Please tell me these are not your S.A.T. scores?”

Carson (checking out their forensic kit): “I love this makeup kit.”

Kyan: “Oh, that’s romantic. Nothing gets a girl like spaghetti.”

Thom (on the phone to Mike’s girlfriend, Melly): “The dust… I mean… The pink. The dust. I’m stuck on the pink. The house… It’s a pink house.”

Thom (with an accent): “My cousin Johnny left me all his furniture.” (To Mike) “I feel like there’s a dead person buried in your backyard.”

Thom: “You ever wonder why they were left here?”

Kyan: “There are 5 toothbrushes, and I think he lives alone.”

Co-Worker (about Mike’s shoes): “As he’s walking, he’s leaving pieces behind.”

Kyan (pulls the broken sole of Mike’s shoe off): “Oh well, guess you have to go buy new shoes.”

Thom is asking Mike how he knows he is in love and Mike replies that he thinks about her all the time as well:
Mike: “I call her about 10 times a day.”
Thom: “That’s actually called a stalker.”

Thom: “Right now, you can roller blade from piece of furniture to piece of furniture.”

Thom: “This little cube right here has all your stuff in it.”

Ted (to Mike): “Cinnamon couch. You called a couch cinnamon?”
Jai: “Oh god, you really have been hanging out with Thom.”

Thom: “Next homosexual will be…”
Jai: “Me!”
Thom: “Jai!”

Thom: “He’s lighting candles inside of a bookshelf. Can someone say Fire Hazard?”

Thom: “She’s walked in the door. She’s been his cooking assistant.”
Carson: “Now she’s a court stenographer all of a sudden.”
Thom: “Do a couple loads of laundry. Mop the floor.”

Carson: “He’s definitely gay. I mean, come on, he just did a cartwheel. That’s not normal baseball procedure.”

Thom (laughing): “The locker room has mirrored ceilings!”

Ted: “A little hazing going on.”

Carson: “Eew, they’re sharing trimmers!”
Kyan: “Don’t share your nose hair trimmer.”
Carson: “That is so unsanitary. What next? Dirty needles.”
Kyan: “They’re passing his around.”
[They then drive Carson nuts by trying on Mike’s new jacket.]
“They’re taking his clothes!”

Mike sprays his cologne in the air and walks through it. The boys are very happy about this:
Kyan: “Oh, spray, delay, walk away!”

Thom (tying to play guitar): “Oh, not so good.”



Thom: Your room is pretty scary. I can't believe you have a girlfriend. Good job.

Carson: If Mike gets on a train in Albany at 2 pm, and Sally gets on a train in Atlanta at 5 pm, how long will it take Mike to realize this tie is the most ugliest thing I've seen in my whole life?

Thom: How do you know you're in love?
Michael: In love, I guess, when you think about a person all the time, and I call her like ten times a day.
Thom: Um, that's actually called a stalker.

Thom: You have a huge livingroom. Right now you could rollerblade from piece of furniture to piece of furniture. You only have, like, three pieces.

Ted: I found something in your fridge that calls itself parmesan cheese and it's *sniffle* in a plastic can! (Michael grabs for it.) Wait, it's too late. I already found it, man.

Carson about the hot dogs: I'd like a hot weiner inside a tight bun.

Carson: Out! Wait. I'm out, he's safe.