Episode 2.32 – John Kilcooley: Senior Seeking Style
First Aired in SA: 10 May 2006
I think it is safe to say that John K. was the most senior straight guy the Fab 5 has helped. John is 66 and worked the day of 9/11. He also lost his wife of 43 years. 3 of those years saw John nursing her. After she died, John spent 3 years in a deep depression, not having anyone visiting him at home, not going out, and living in a dark, dirty home, eating easy to make foods and drinking instant coffee for convenience. He formed a relationship with a family friend, Joan, which saw him leaving the house every now and again. So, the Fab 5 are on the scene to put the light in John’s life – and home. Everybody needs friends and to get out of the house! I really do feel for John and the Fab 5 were amazing with him. He probably is about twice their age (or 3 times Jai’s age!). Not just with John, but with all the guys in the second season, the encouragement the Fab 5 give to the guy brings him to tears. It really is moving. John may be a senior, but boy, is he a ladies’ man!
Ted: “At the cooking class we took, John was totally hitting on the young woman.”
Jai: “Wait, at the dance class, he was all over the instructor.”
Kyan: “That’s funny because at the Pilates studio he was all over the women there too.”
Thom: “That’s so weird, when we were shopping, you were all over me.”
John: “Three out of four.”
Carson: “He kissed me at Brookes Brothers.”
It seems that Jai gets teased about being too young, and Ted is teased about being too old! Ted was the brunt of hip jokes and so on. Jai transformed himself into an old man in that house – very believable!
Thom seemed to be having a good laugh all the time. Oh, by the way, he has a great laugh, doesn’t he? It was funny when he removes the window treatment and laughs out how little the window actually is! Jai sees a semi-ugly lamp hanging from the ceiling and asks Thom what he thinks of it. Thom looks at it, says, “This is what I think of it” and pulls the entire thing out of the ceiling. Jai worriedly whispers to Thom: “Thom, are you gonna fix that?”
Ted and Thom point out that if you’re newly single, you need a really good mattress. So they go to Macy’s mattress part of the store and have a real fun time bouncing up and down on the mattresses and running around the store. Out come the striped socks! Good times. Ted: “You getting a queen?” Thom: “No, we’re leaving you here.”
The Fab 5 fixed John’s mom’s clock and the family were so happy to hear that it was working.
OK, I am quite the coffee drinker. I have a large cup of filter coffee everyday and yeah, it is better than the instant coffee we have at home. But seriously, not everyone can stray from instant at home. Ted: “I’m freaking out man, instant coffee.”
Kyan’s part of the show was really interesting. He taught John some basic stretching exercises that are so easy to remember and really do stretch muscles! He also took John to Core Pilates at is very interesting to know that Pilates is named after Joe Pilates, who helped soldiers during WWI in Germany, who were bedridden. The apparatus were developed later.
Carson put John in the ugliest patchwork pants I have ever seen!
I haven’t seen this before: John puts facial scrub on with no water. The guys are cringing at how that cannot feel good. John puts moisturizer on without washing the facial scrub off. Then he shaves! Kyan: “Oh well.”
Quotes:
Thom (about John looking after his wife): “Good for him. Yay. We like that.”
Carson: “You’re a sexy senior.”
John: “Thank you.”
Ted (swings open Western bar-styled doors): “Wait, I’m in the OK Corral. What?”
Thom: “This town ain’t big enough for the two of us.”
Carson: “You don’t have to call me sir. You can call me ma’am or something.”
Kyan: “I’ve found that the oven is good for storage. It’s especially good to keep cardboard in the oven.”
Ted: “Yeah, you’re gonna want to be careful with the preheating.”
Thom: “Wow, the other couch was worse than this?”
Thom: “It is holy water. You can buy holy water?”
Carson (about all the dust): “It’s like Mount St. Helens erupted in here.”
Ted: “This looks like a doll that’s like a warning to people like Carson. Stop tanning, stop tanning!”
Kyan: “He’s got an ashtray in the bathroom. Oh my goodness, he smokes on the can.”
Carson (wearing a kilt and beret): “Look out Dublin, there’s a new girl in town.”
Thom: “I don’t think you need the hat.”
Carson: “I like the hat.”
Thom: “I dunno, the colours are wrong.”
Ted (in a drawn-out speech): “Ohmigod, look at the curtains. They’re
hideous.”
Carson: “You know what I love about Corelle? It’s non-breakable. (Drops plate on floor) I really shouldn’t be drinking and cooking. (Drops another plate on the first, which shatters) Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!! Apparently, when you bang the two together, all of their magical powers go away. Let’s test our theory. (Drops another plate) Yip, that’s how it works. (He leaves the kitchen) John look, I’m Annie Lennox, walking on broken glass.”
Ted (holing a vinyl record): “He’s very current with music. He’s got Jerry and the Pacemakers. All the kids are listening to Jerry and the Pacemakers.”
Kyan: “It’s all the rage.”
Kyan (shocked to find a working power tool in the sink, turns to look at John): “You have power tools in your bathroom dude!”
Carson (to Ted): “Raise the brow and give you nice smoky eyes, for evening.”
Carson: “Take the patron saint of retail with you.”
Ted (about dancing): “It’s a nice way to get your hands all over strange ladies.”
Thom: “Cookie, anyone.”
Kyan: “Motor scooter hooter.”
Carson (about John selecting the wrong tie): “I guess he thinks otherwise.”
Carson: “Super gay powers activate in form of: Neckwear!”
Jai: “Those women know how to do hair.”
Kyan (Joan and John are in his bedroom): “They’re in there in that bathroom trying to ignore the fact that their brother is in there with Joan.”
Carson (about Ted forcing coffee on John): “Like Ted forces his (Ted elbows Carson who shuts up)”
Carson (about them dancing): “Ohmigod, be still my heart. Joan’s gonna get jiggy with it, OK.”
Carson (about the Rainbow Room, a ballroom): “There are no rainbow flags. I don’t get it.”
Ted: “Yeah, I thought this was a gay bar.”
Jai and Kyan are dancing together, Thom is dancing by himself, and Ted and Carson are looking at them from their seats like they are mad:
Ted: “Wait, play something stiff and uptight for us.”
