QE Review Ep. 44 - Al D.

QE Review:

Episode 2.34: Al Durrell – Top of the (Trash) Heap
First Aired in SA: 24 May 2006


OK, so instead of Al moving out of his childhood home, his parents moved out. This place is minute. He tells his girlfriend that he’ll take her on the tour. Thom and Ted get up and turn 360 degrees in one spot. There you go, that’s the grand tour.

Kyan does his hair in the mirror in the elevator on the way to the apartment. It’s funny but it doesn’t surprise me. There is that horrible show Blow Out where Jonathan says “I am hair, man.” Wrong! Kyan is hair, man. I’m busy reading Kyan’s book, Beautified, and the first chapter is on hair. I’ll put up a review of the book when I can.

Kyan has a moment slamming a microwave door repeatedly that just won’t stay closed.

Here’s some Wine 101:
Reds get the bigger bowl.
White wines are chilled so if you pick up the glass at the bowl, your hands will warm the wine. You should pick up a white wine glass at the stem. For reds, you hold the bowl.
Watch Thom holding the white wine. Speaking of Thom, armless chairs are a great idea.

And for some Sheet 101: The higher the thread count, the softer the sheet.

Al was a good student. Even with learning to give a foot massage. He really did pay attention to everything he was told.

Those awkward silences, made worse by having no music in the background, are just hysterical. Al suddenly breaks the silence by talking about cheese. At least this was not as bad as Alan Corey, which was a laugh riot.

I would like to get my hands on a Croc Pot.


Quotes:

Carson: “Let’s recycle this garbage man.”

Al (about how long the dishes have been in the sink, unwashed): “Count the coffee cups. One cup a day. It’s a formula I use.”

Kyan (checking out a rusty shower accessory hanger): “Honestly, I think its got another 38 years in it.”

Ted (whining like a cat from the bathroom window): “Let me out. Help.”

Thom (holding a string of condoms): “He’s very optimistic.”

Kyan is chatting to Al about how many people the sanitation department service. Al comments about 8 million people are serviced:
Carson: “I service about 8 million people.”

Carson is exercising with that thing used to wheel around golf bags and Kyan is telling him that it is for carrying golf clubs:
Carson: “Hi, I’ve been to the gym.”

Carson: “I hit the mother load. A giant brazier. I guess Sandra’s stacked.”

Kyan (about an old newspaper stuck in the bookcase): “Three years ago he stuck it in here. Three years went by and here we are and it’s still here.”

Thom: “He likes rocks everybody.” (Thom sprinkles a table with the rocks.) “I’m done. Let’s go.”

Ted (hanging from a door): “Hey, what you doing? I’m just hanging around.”

Ted (to Thom about the apartment): “You’re gonna change this? Why would you?”
Carson: “It’s perfect.”

Thom (to Al): “You’ve got an eye for garbage.”

Thom: “May the Force be with you Kyan.”

Ted (to Kyan): “That was a good Jai impression.”
Jai: “That was a good me impression.”

Kyan: “That bathroom looks like a prison.”
Thom: “The bathroom looks like it’s in Penn Station.”

Al: “Looks like your toe is smoking a cigarette.”

Thom (about Al trying to open the blinds): “Ohmigod, he’s going to fall out of the window.”
Thom: “Girls always love the headboard.”

Carson (about that piece of work friend of Al’s): “He’s a Magnum, P. I. impersonator on weekends.”
Carson: “I’m gonna hug ya, then whack ya.”
Carson: “It’s not a cheese symposium people.”
Carson: “Otherwise your clothes will discolour and won’t have room to breathe.”

All: “To the king of landfill.”


Carson: “You know it's really not very welcoming when your girlfriend is afraid to sit down and pee.”

Kyan: “Who twists their ankle skiing on a bed? I do.”

Ted (hanging off the front of a trash compactor): “Onward... Trashmen of the... world.”
Al: “You okay Ted?”
Ted: “Yeah, yeah. I always wanted to be a hood ornament.”

Carson (dropping in on the cheese and wine tasting): “Are we praising cheeses?” [Get it?!]
Ted: “We sure is.”

Ted: “She’s got that 18 month itch.”
Carson: “That can be cured with Gyne-Lotrimin.”

Jai (locked in the kitchen): “It’s a very small kitchen.”
Ted: “That’s perfect for you because you’re a very small gay man.”

Thom (holding a framed collection of small wine bottles): “I think you get this either on the way in or out of rehab.”

Thom (holding a revolting vase or porcelain jug; nonetheless, it’s scary looking): “If you were a straight man, would you own this? If you were a gay man, would you own this? If you were a man, would you own this?”

Carson: “Come on in. Cover his eyes. Take off his clothes.”

Carson: “What’s his motive for lighting the votives?”
Ted: “He’s got ulterior votives.”