A Queer Eye Review of sorts from 2005

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy



Episode 113: Jeff T.
Neither Rain Nor Sleet Nor Length of Hair – Jeff Toale


Comments:
The Fab 5 all look hot in this episode.


Designated Drivers:
Thom
Carson


Fab Moments:
Carson & Ted both running like girls, and Carson purposely falling over a sofa. Why does Carson place his hand on his back when he runs?
Thom screaming, screaming for real, and Ted just keeps at it.
The animal’s tongue that freaks Jai out, and then Kyan puts it in his mouth and makes faces.
Jai, Thom, and Kyan doing some singing but Kyan looks like a leopard and has feathers sticking out from behind his ears.
Jai applying a power drill to Kyan’s mouth.
Jai’s face when he grabs the picture of the hot son.
Thom’s face lights up when he finds the right sofa for Jeff.
The boys pretending to take photos during the fashion show.
The boys running out of the house: 5 guys in perfect time!
Kyan and Ted pretending to tap on eye cream while watching Jeff do so.
Thom smiling at people’s appreciation of his work.
Kyan’s laugh when he is laughing at the weird guy at the party.


Likeable Level of the Straight Guy (out of 10):
9


Terminology:
Sensibility.
Batons.
C.I.T., Carson In Training


Fab Tips:
Match the colour tone, mix the patterns.


Quotes:


Carson:

Carson: No, this must go away.

Carson: Slim pickin’s.

Carson: Let’s hang a deer head in here. That always adds ambience. Not.

Carson: I loved Moulin Rouge, but this is a bit much.
Ted: Let’s put it in the neighbour’s lawn.

Carson: The pink box of many treasures. Guess what? You’re adopted. Just kidding. That’s not funny. I’m sorry.

Carson: So, where would you wear this? Maybe a court date for stuffing some endangered animal.
Jeff stares back seriously unimpressed.

Jeff to Carson: That’s washed out black, not grey.

Carson: We’re hunting for couture.

Carson: You go to a trout place… Or the supermarket.

Carson: Pink feathers. I mean, what do your people use this for? My people would use it to decorate shoes or perhaps a festive tiara.

Carson: Quick like a squirrel being hunted by hungry Indians.

Carson: That poor thing, she’s gonna get Carpel Tunnel.
Thom: It’s a Polynesian sweatshop in that kitchen.

Carson: The other one looked like a refugee from Magnum P. I.

Carson: I want them to adopt me.

Carson: Don’t let him in your home, he’s gonna ruin it.
Carson and Thom in unison: Oh my God, a matching bag and jacket!

Carson: We brought Little House on the Prairie to the new millennium.


Jai:

Jai: I feel like this is very Milan.
Carson: I love it. It makes me want to get a malaria shot.

Jai: You end up with mixed, smashed furniture, you know. You end up with a leopard, you know.
Kyan: I feel ya.
Jai: You do?
Kyan: I feel ya.
Jai: You look so powerful right now.

Jai: Let’s get my family down here.

Jai: Let’s go boys.

Jai: Hey Mr Ted.


Kyan:

To the toilet: Thank you for being clean.

Kyan: When I’m laying here in this bed, and I’m all snuggled up like this, you know what I wanna do? I wanna go milk a cow.

Jeff: It’s better to have lost and loved…
Jeff and Kyan simultaneously: Than never to have loved at all.
Kyan: And it’s better to have lost and shaved, than never to have shaved at all!

Kyan: …How cool is that? It’s messy…
Jeff: Looks like I just got out of a tornado.
Kyan: No, it doesn’t.

Kyan: Loco.

Kyan: She’s a little taskmaster.

Kyan: Excellent application of product.


Ted:

Ted: I have a feeling we’re gonna find some strange meat. Oh look, ground antelope.
Jai: No, that’s normal stuff.
Ted: Oh look, elk.

Ted: Will you bait my hook for me? I don’t want to.

Ted: I totally had a bite.
Jeff: Okay, then move over.

Ted: I’m going to baste you.

The son: This is better than college food.
Ted: I hope so Steven.
Thom: If you didn’t get snaps from him that would’ve been ugly.


Thom:

Thom, on seeing that Carson has broken a ‘scissors’: Did you?
Carson: I didn’t do it on purpose.

Thom is intrigued with what is clearly not a domesticated animal and sincerely asks: Is that a neighbour’s dog?

Thom: In the event that you lose this one, you have this one.
Carson: You have a backup.

Thom: Girls…

Thom: You’re gonna have bad credit because of this one.

Thom: Notice the Thom in Thomasville.

Thom: Oh my God, does it happen that often?

This is oh so true:
Jeff: You’re a miracle worker.
Thom: Well, thank you.

Thom: Hey, what’s going on with this fashion show, people?

Thom and Ted in unison: Plastic cups!
Thom: And this is in their house. Can you imagine if they had a picnic?

Thom: Yes you were honey. You were looking awfully gruff.
Carson: He looked like a shitzu.

Thom: Look at this guy. “He’s crazy. I hate this guy. When are we leaving?”
Carson: He has no idea where he is.